It's funny how as a kid I looked so forward to my birthday but as an adult, I dread it. I think it's because as a kid, there's more of a reward to turning a year older, another milestone you get to reach. There are some rides you can only go on if you're a certain height, certain movies you can only go to at a certain age, some restaurants make kids order off a special menu and they can't order off the adult menu until they turn 12 or so, you look forward to being old enough to get your learner's permit, your driver's license, to vote to drink alcohol, etc. There's more of an incentive to get older, to get taller, to age and mature.
As an adult, about the only positive incentives you have to look forward to are getting old enough to retire and getting senior discounts. Most of the other things that come with old age or negative--more aches and pains, more of your friends moving away or dying, getting forgetful, needing more surgeries to patch you up and more prescriptions to maintain your health. Even if you manage not to decline in old age, there's always that constant reminder that you're not going to live forever and the more years that go by, the closer you're coming to the end of the road. You can manage not to think about it the rest of the year but when your birthday rolls around, it hits you square in the face that your time is running out.
I wish I could get back that childish joy of birthdays, when time stretched out seemingly endlessly in front of me and I could celebrate my life without worrying about tomorrow, or next month, or next year. I wish I could just be happy to be alive right now and to be me.
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